Grief Doesn’t Take a Holiday: Holding Space for Joy and Loss at the Same Time

The holidays are often described as “the most wonderful time of the year.” But for many, this season brings a complex mix of emotions—joy and celebration intertwined with sadness, longing, and grief. If you’re navigating fertility struggles, pregnancy loss, or any form of personal grief, you already know: grief doesn’t take a holiday. And you’re not alone. 

While others may be exchanging gifts, gathering around dinner tables, or sharing family updates, you may feel like you're moving through a different kind of season—one that doesn't sparkle in quite the same way. The holidays have a way of magnifying both presence and absence, and it’s okay to feel both gratitude and grief at once. 

There’s No "Right" Way to Feel 

It’s easy to feel like you’re supposed to show up a certain way during the holidays—cheerful, grateful, together. But grief doesn’t follow a calendar, and it doesn’t disappear just because it’s December. 

If you’re grieving a loss—whether that’s a miscarriage, failed cycle, or the hope for a family that still hasn’t materialized—it’s okay to feel out of step with the world around you. There is no correct way to experience the holidays while grieving. You can laugh and still feel empty. You can cry during a joyful moment. You can say “I’m fine” when you’re anything but. All of it is valid. 

Holding Joy and Grief Together 

One of the hardest parts of grief is that it often coexists with beauty. You may find joy in small moments—a kind gesture, a cozy ritual, the light of a candle—only to feel guilt for enjoying anything at all. But here’s the truth: you’re allowed to hold both. 

Joy doesn’t cancel out grief. And grief doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten how to feel happiness. These emotions aren’t either/or—they’re both/and. Allowing yourself to feel both can create space for healing, without forcing you to move on before you’re ready.

Making Room for Yourself 

This season, give yourself permission to step away from what no longer serves you. If certain traditions or conversations feel too heavy, you can decline. If you need solitude, seek it. If you need support, ask for it. Protecting your emotional space isn’t selfish—it’s sacred. 

Create small rituals of remembrance or self-care. Light a candle. Write a letter. Take a quiet walk. Honor what you’ve lost in a way that feels true to you, and know that your experience doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. 

You're Not Alone 

At CHR, we work with patients navigating all stages of their fertility journeys—many of whom carry silent grief, even through seasons meant for celebration. We see your strength, your heartbreak, your resilience. 

As the year comes to a close, we want you to know: your grief is real, and your joy is welcome too. There is space for both, even now. Wishing you gentleness, wherever this season finds you.