When Holidays Hurt: Coping With Infertility & Loss in Family-Centered Seasons

The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, warmth, and togetherness. But for those navigating infertility or grieving a pregnancy or infant loss, the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s can be incredibly painful. Family gatherings, holiday cards filled with smiling children, and well-meaning questions about “when it’s your turn” can feel like emotional landmines. 

If you find yourself dreading the holidays this year, you’re not alone. This season, we want to offer space for that grief—because acknowledging it is an essential part of healing. 

Why the Holidays Can Feel So Heavy 

The holidays tend to magnify whatever we’re already carrying. For hopeful parents experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss, this time of year can highlight the absence of what was longed for or lost. And on top of it all, there’s often guilt: for not feeling festive, for avoiding events, for needing space when others expect joy. 

Giving Yourself Permission 

One of the most powerful things you can do during this season is give yourself permission: 

• To say no. You don’t owe anyone your presence at every party or dinner. Protect your energy. 
• To feel what you feel. Sadness, anger, hope, numbness—all are valid. 
• To redefine traditions. You’re allowed to start new rituals or skip old ones that are too painful right now. 
• To speak up—or stay silent. You can share your story, or choose not to. Your grief doesn’t have to be explained to be honored. 

Coping Strategies That Can Help 

Every person’s experience is different, but here are a few strategies that many have found helpful during this time: 

• Have an Exit Plan 

If you do attend a gathering, arrive in your own car or set a time limit. Give yourself permission to leave if things become too overwhelming. 

• Create a Personal Ritual 

 Light a candle, write a letter, or spend a quiet moment reflecting on the child you’re missing or the journey you’re still on. These small rituals can bring grounding. 

• Connect With Others Who Understand 

 Online communities, support groups, or friends who have been through similar experiences can offer solidarity that’s hard to find elsewhere. 

• Focus on Self-Compassion, Not Positivity 

 You don’t need to “look on the bright side.” Instead, speak to yourself the way you would to a friend: with gentleness, kindness, and no judgment. 

• Prepare Responses Ahead of Time 

It can be helpful to have a few phrases ready if someone asks about your plans for children or brings up a painful topic. It’s okay to redirect the conversation or simply say, “That’s something private we’re still working through.” 

You’re Not Alone 

The holidays can be bittersweet—or just bitter—for many. At CHR, we recognize that this season can be a time of deep grief, especially for those walking the path of infertility or loss. 

Whatever you’re feeling right now, know this: You’re allowed to honor your experience, protect your peace, and move through this season in whatever way feels most healing for you. 

We're here when you're ready.